Categories anxiety, Mental Health, stress

Holding Your Inner World Steady in an Unsteady World. A therapist’s perspective on mental health during national and global crises 

wellness mindfullness healing

January has arrived carrying more than new calendars and fresh starts. Alongside the personal transitions many of us are navigating, there is collective tension; from war headlines, political division to economic uncertainty, there is a sense that the world feels louder, faster, and less predictable. Our bodies are remarkably sensitive to what’s happening in the world. Even distant conflicts can register in our nervous systems, often beneath our conscious awareness. In spite of all this, it is possible to stay mentally grounded and emotionally healthy without minimizing what’s happening or becoming consumed by it. In these times holding perspective becomes paramount. 

Perspective does not mean detachment 

“Keeping things in perspective” does not mean shutting down empathy or pretending things aren’t serious. Healthy perspective means recognizing what is within your control and what is not,  and placing your energy accordingly. 

You cannot resolve geopolitical conflict alone.
What you can d0

Regulate your body 

  • Care for your mental health 
  • Support those in your immediate circle 
  • Live according to your values 

These actions matter and can serve as stabilizing forces in unstable times. 

Your distress does not need to compete with global suffering 

A common reaction during large-scale crises is guilt: “How can I be upset about my relationship, job, or mental health when people are suffering so much more?” This line of thinking, while understandable, often leads to emotional suppression rather than resilience. 

Pain is not a competition. 

Your nervous system does not rank suffering; it responds to your lived experience. Minimizing your struggles does not help those affected by war, and it often leaves you with less capacity to show up with compassion or clarity. 

You are allowed to care about the world and tend to your own healing. 

Chronic exposure to crisis affects the nervous system 

Even if conflict does not directly impact your daily life, repeated exposure to alarming news can activate a healthy body’s threat response. This can show up as: 

  • Persistent anxiety or irritability 
  • Emotional numbness or fatigue 
  • Difficulty concentrating 
  • A sense of helplessness or cynicism 

These are not signs of weakness but rather signs that your nervous system might be overwhelmed by too much input and not enough recovery. 

Therefore, maintaining mental stability during global unrest has to be more about intentional engagement. Ask yourself: 

  • Is my consumption helping me understand, or keeping me dysregulated? 
  • Am I choosing when to engage, or reacting automatically? 

Boundaries with information are good ole fashion psychological hygiene. 

Your daily life still deserves care and attention 

Going to work, attend therapy, laugh with friends, or plan for the future while the world feels uncertain can feel disorienting. But maintaining routines, relationships, and personal goals is how you stay protective. 

Healing, joy, and rest are not luxuries reserved for peaceful times. They are the very things that allow us to endure difficult ones. If anything, periods of national or global stress call for more gentleness toward yourself, not less.  

A grounding reminder 

You are one person living one human life.
Your responsibility is not to carry the weight of the world , it is to live your life with awareness, care, and integrity. 

Staying mentally aligned does not mean you disengage from reality; it means you staying intentionally connected to self. 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, that makes sense. If you’re continuing to live your life anyway, that also makes sense. Both of those things can be true. 

And guess what, if you need support, that is not a failure of perspective, it is an act of wisdom! 

Author Shelly-Anne Johnson LCSW Posted on
Categories anxiety, Attachmenttheory, IFS, Mental Health, stress

Accepting the Parents We Have: Healing When They Could Not Show Up

For many, “family” is a complicated word. We are taught to honor our parents and stay loyal—but what if those same people hurt us or could not meet our needs? Accepting who our parents are does not mean excusing harm. It means letting go of the hope they will change and instead giving ourselves the love we needed.

If you grew up with emotional neglect and/or abuse, it is normal to carry mixed emotions—longing, anger, guilt, sadness. Healing starts by gently tending to the parts of you that still hold that pain.

These emotional parts are not broken—they were survival tools. Instead of pushing them away, try meeting them with compassion. When we listen without judgment, healing begins. We create space to examine those old beliefs “I’m too much” or “I’m unlovable” these statements are not truths, and realize they were ways to make sense of a painful past. Healing means rewriting those stories with kindness and clarity.

Setting Boundaries: The Weight of Shame, Guilt

You might wonder:

  • Am I overreacting?
  • If I’d been a better child, would they have loved me more?

The truth is: it was never your fault. You did not fail at being lovable, they struggled to love in the ways you needed. That is not yours to fix or carry.

Identifying this truth is one step, the next is setting clear boundaries. This becomes pivotal to your healing. Boundaries are not just about distance; they are about honoring your experience, even when others do not. There is grief in this process, the loss of what never was, or what may never be. Let yourself feel it. You do not have to rush or justify it. Therapy can be a space to grieve the fantasy and begin making peace with the reality.

When we start setting boundaries with our parents it is natural to feel guilt or shame, especially if you were taught that love means loyalty at any cost. But real love does not require self-abandonment. You can care about someone and still protect your peace. Maybe you have been called selfish, dramatic, or “not family oriented.” But boundaries are not punishments, they are acts of clarity, self-respect, and protection.

Here is something to hold onto: you can love someone and still need space from them. If a parent’s behavior harms your mental or emotional health, it is okay to reduce contact, or even go no-contact in serious cases. Loving yourself sometimes means limiting others’ access to you.

What If My Parents Are Gone?

When a parent dies and the relationship was difficult or unresolved, you may feel a swirl of emotions—relief, guilt, sadness, confusion, and most of all, loss. Without the chance for direct conversation, you might wonder if closure and healing is even possible. The grief is layered because you are not just mourning the person—you are mourning the relationship you hoped for but never had. The amazing news is that even after death, healing is still possible.

Closure does not require the other person’s presence. It begins with how you choose to tend to your pain. Writing unsent letters, reflecting on the past, or speaking to a photo or memory can be powerful steps. These symbolic acts help the nervous system process unfinished business and move toward peace.

So… How Do We Actually Heal?

Healing from complex family wounds is not a quick fix—it is a gradual return to yourself through small, intentional acts of care. One meaningful approach is reparenting: the practice of giving yourself the nurturing, protection, and guidance you may not have received in childhood. It means learning to care for yourself in ways that support deep emotional repair.

Here are some ways to begin that process:

  • Acknowledge the wounded parts of yourself. Imagine your feelings as different parts of you—some hurt, some protective, some hopeful. Each part deserves to be heard, understood, and comforted.
  • Challenge distorted beliefs. When you think, it’s my fault or I must be unlovable, pause and ask yourself: What is the evidence? What would a kinder, more compassionate thing to say about myself?
  • Practice self-compassion. Speak to yourself the way you would to a hurting child—with patience, warmth, and understanding. Gently replace inner criticism with affirming truths like, I am worthy of care, or I am doing the best I can, and that is enough.
  • Listen inward. Check in with yourself regularly by asking: How am I really feeling? What do I need right now? Honor the answers without judgment.
  • Create spaces of safety. Whether it is a cozy room, a calming playlist, or nourishing relationships, build environments where you feel free to breathe and just be.
  • Name and meet your needs. Whether it is rest, connection, or quiet, attending to your needs helps rebuild a sense of trust and internal safety.
  • Build safe relationships. Healing often takes root in new, healthier connections, spaces where you are seen, valued, and respected.

As Dr. Thema Bryant reminds us, healing is not about erasing the past but creating new ways to care for the parts of us that once felt abandoned. Reparenting is not about fixing yourself—it is about coming home to yourself. Step by step, layer by layer, you are learning to love and tend to the person you are now and the child you once were.

Final Thoughts

Accepting your parents as they are—or were—is not about forgetting the harm. It is about freeing yourself from the weight of waiting for them to change. It is releasing the fantasy that they will become someone else and choosing your peace over their approval. In doing so, you reclaim the power to give yourself what you always deserved: safety and love.

You can break the cycle. You can heal.

 

Author Shelly-Anne Johnson LCSW Posted on
Categories anxiety, Mental Health, stress

IFS Meditation For Grounding & Replenishing the Self

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-SLOb8S-dE

This is an internal family systems meditation tool for grounding and replenishing the Self. “One of the assumptions of Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy is that everyone has a “Self”. In essence, the Self is who we truly are, when all of our Parts are peeled back. The Self is characterized by what IFS calls the 8C’s: compassion, curiosity, clarity, creativity, calm, confidence, courage, and connectedness.” Visit this meditation as often as you need to as a vehicle for achieving the peace you feel when you are grounded and the Self is replenished.

 

Author Shelly-Anne Johnson LCSW Posted on
Categories Mental Health

Understanding Polyamorous Relationships

Understanding Polyamorous Relationships

As gender, sex, and representation has gained traction and national attention, it is safe to say
this conversation is overdue. There are many ways to love and many different types of family
dynamics. While it is illegal to be married to multiple people in the United States, there are
many examples of families stepping away from traditional male female marital structures and
exploring other dynamics despite this. However, the Polyamory network is mostly underground
and informal due to the taboo nature of the subculture.

Author Shelly-Anne Johnson LCSW Posted on
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Categories Mental Health

Surviving Loneliness while Healing from a Toxic Relationship

Surviving Loneliness while Healing from a Toxic Relationship

By: Shelly-Anne Johnson, LCSW

What happens when the person you love doesn’t love you, or leaves you feeling undeserving, hopeless, and unfulfilled? At our core, most of us yearn for connection and the assurances that accompany wholesome romantic relationships. This innate desire for connection is the reason why so many of us stay in unhealthy relationships or go back to them…. we do not want to feel alone. We will cling to the sliver of hope that this person will treat us fairly. This longing can drive us to settle for mere morsels from a partner when, in truth, we deserve complete and satisfying relationships, complete with all the trimmings.

So, you have mustered up the strength to leave, you know that you deserve better. Initially you are empowered, you are brave, confident and know you have made the right decision. You have the coming out party and you revel in having your own space. However, as time passes, loneliness and doubt creep in. You begin romanticizing the good times and minimize the bad ones. You start doubting yourself and question whether you were too hasty in your decision making, “what if the next person is worse, what if this is the best I can do, what if this person is what I deserve.” I am here to tell you that this is a PR campaign targeting your self-worth. You are deserving of love. This article is for anyone who finds themselves at a crossroad; whether you are in a toxic relationship and you are trying to leave, or you have left and are doubting your decision because the weight of loneliness feels heavier than the toxicity you endured in the relationship.

Healing from a toxic relationship can be an arduous journey, often accompanied by a profound sense of loneliness. This loneliness can feel isolating and overwhelming. It’s essential to understand that loneliness is a natural part of the healing process, it is to be expected. Finding effective ways to manage it is crucial for overall well-being. Drawing on attachment theory and internal family systems, this article offers valuable insights and practical tips to help you navigate and alleviate loneliness during your healing journey.

Attachment theory explores the way we form and maintain relationships throughout our lives. It posits that our early experiences with caregivers shape our attachment styles, influencing how we relate to others in adulthood. The more you learn about your attachment style, the more you will be able to recognize it in yourself and others. Recognizing your patterns of attachment can help you make sense of your experiences and develop healthier relationships in the future.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is another useful therapeutic modality that can provide a roadmap into deeper understanding of the mind and how to create a healing pathway forward. IFS views the mind as a collection of sub-personalities or “parts.” These parts can be in harmony or conflict with one another, influencing our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

When healing from a toxic relationship, it’s common to experience inner turmoil and conflicting emotions. The very act of thinking and inner conflict is merely our parts interacting. By practicing IFS techniques, you can cultivate self-awareness and compassion for the different parts of yourself that may be wounded or in need of healing. Developing trust and understanding in our inner world will greatly impact the way we show up in our outer world.

It can be useful to employ your understanding of your attachment style with Internal Family Systems (IFS) to create a solid pathway forward on your healing journey. Below I have outlined how to use the two therapeutic models described above to FastTrack your healing and added a few tips for managing the loneliness we sometimes feel on our healing journey.

  1. Identify Your Attachment style: Begin by exploring your attachment style – whether it’s secure, anxious, avoidant, or a combination. This awareness can help you understand your tendencies in relationships and guide you in developing healthier connections moving forward.
  2. Cultivate Self-Compassion: Cultivating self-compassion involves acknowledging and soothing the wounded parts of yourself. Embrace self-kindness and treat yourself with the same empathy you would offer a friend or a child. Consistently engaging in acts of loving kindness is crucial, even if you haven’t fully embraced it within yourself. If it is challenging to envision self-directed loving kindness, consider visualizing it coming from someone who cares for you, now or in the past.
  3. Build a Supportive Inner Community: Utilize the principles of IFS to build a supportive inner community. Identify the parts of yourself that need comfort and companionship. Visualize nurturing relationships within your internal system, providing a sense of connection, trust, and reducing feelings of isolation. Once you love yourself, you can then attract the type of love you deserve into your life.

Tips for Managing Loneliness:

  1. Reconnect with Yourself: Take this opportunity to reconnect with your inner self and explore your interests, passions, and values. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. You can start by pursuing creative hobbies or engaging in an activity you used to enjoy or feel passionate about, but have long abandoned. By nurturing your relationship with yourself, you can cultivate a sense of wholeness and resilience.
  2. Establish Boundaries: Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries is pivotal in preventing toxic relationships from resurfacing. Clearly define your limits and communicate them assertively, safeguarding your well-being.
  3. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation: Incorporate mindfulness and meditation into your daily routine. These practices can help you stay present, manage intrusive thoughts, and cultivate a sense of inner peace, reducing the impact of loneliness. A simple way to do this is by engaging your senses with your surroundings (i.e., 5 things I see, 4 things I hear, 3 things I smell, 2 things I feel and 1 thing I taste).
  4. Foster Healthy External Connections: While internal work is essential, external connections are equally crucial. While healing from a toxic relationship, it’s important to surround yourself with supportive friends, family members, or mental health professionals who can offer empathy and encouragement. Seek out individuals who validate your experiences and provide a safe space for you to express your emotions without fear of judgment.
  5. Seek Professional Support: Consider seeking therapy from a qualified mental health professional specializing in trauma and attachment. Professional guidance can provide support as you navigate the complexities of healing from a toxic relationship and rebuilding your sense of self-worth.

 

Coping with loneliness during the process of recovering from a toxic relationship demands patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to explore the depths of your emotional landscape. By integrating principles from attachment theory and internal family systems, you can cultivate greater self-awareness and inner peace as you progress along the path to healing and wholeness. You can acquire the skills you need to navigate solitude with resilience and strength. Remember, you are deserving of love, respect, and connection, both with yourself and others.

Author Shelly-Anne Johnson LCSW Posted on
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